


Wait? What?!

by orphan_account



Category: 2P Hetalia - Fandom, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 2P, 2p if you squint, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Funny, Humor, M/M, Nyotalia, One-Sided France/England, One-Sided Relationship, RusAme, RusAme vs. Usuk, USUK - Freeform, cross-dressing, fruk if you squint, one-sided Russia/China, prucan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 00:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2487638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when England and Russia both have their eyes in a fast-food loving American? Well, all is fair in love and war!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1. Meetings…

**Author's Note:**

> Transferring over!!! By the way, this is a crack fic, that was written just for fun

Characters aren't mine,

You know that :/ -Michael Pin

\--

"Blah blah blah blah" was all America heard out of the meeting, god he hated meetings. Next to him were two people he was on completely different pages with, England, whom he loved to mess with, and Russia... Russia loved to cause pain and make America uncomfortable, which scared the crap out of the American. Today Russia was more interested in his flask, which he probably snuck past Germany, who never allowed alcohol at meetings. America turned his attention to the blonde next to him, who was staring at him, and turned a sudden red. 

"Does someone have a little crush?" America whispered into England's ear after he turned around.

"N-No!" England stuttered, turning a darker red .

A sudden tap on America's shoulder made him turn, right into a kiss.

"Become one da~?" Russia said in a scarily seductive voice, that made America shutter like a tree. 

"W-what?" America was confused with the sudden 'affection' oozing from Ivan.

"Don't act like you didn't like that kiss, Sunflower."

'Sunflower?' America thought,'A pet name? Really? We aren't even friends, even farther from being boyfriends!'

"What is going on here!" England hissed at America and Russia.

"I have no ide-" America was cut off, by Russia.

"Well, we are lovers."

"WHAT?" England yelled, interrupting the 'important' meeting, making Germany turn and glare at the three, almost like a teacher scolding children.

"Is there something you would like to share Mr. Kirkland?"

Arthur's cheeks flared from embarrassment. "N-no G-Germany."

Germany glared a bit than went back to business. 

America looked at both of them, England and Russia had jealousy and hatred oozing out of them. America never knew how much hate those emerald eyes could dish out, and now he knew this was their limit. America turned to Russia's violet eyes, and saw the pure anger, spewing out as he glared at England. 

"Stop." Was all America said to both of them. 

"What is wrong, Sunflower?" Russia said tilting his head, actually making him look a tad cute.

"Love, is something wrong?" England said, trying to counter Russia, by lifting his eyebrows, looking younger, and definitely more adorable.

America froze. Blood started dripping from his nose. "Stop. Stop fighting. Stop acting cute. Stop wanting me. Just stop." He was as red as the American flag's stripes. The rest of the meeting was quiet, but there was tension in the air.


	2. England's Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wakin' up at Russia's...? WHAT!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow my old writing is short… oh well... I'm not going to mess with it because the story is still active… -MP

\--  
-America's PoV-  
'Man, its nice to be back in my hotel room!' I thought to myself as I fell back onto the lush bed. 'I could get used to this!'  
There was a card being swiped at my door, someone must've gotten the wrong room, well, thats what I thought, when the door handle turned and opened,"Who's there?!"I instinctively hid behind my bed.  
"Not to worry, it's just England, love." England said looking behind the side of the bed, where I was located.  
"What the fudge was going on today Iggy, like what the heck?"I almost yelled, and he deserved it!  
England let out a long sigh and sat down next to me,"I love you America... And like a teenage girl, I bottled up my emotions, and when Russia was flirting with you, I-I, just ahhh! I felt like you were already mine, but you aren't, so I will leave, and let you think this over." And with that he kissed me so passionately, left with a wave, and shut the door.  
What am I living in some kind of soppy love triangle? All I know right now is that England, the one who raised me up, loves me, romantically, and Russia does too apparently. Well either ways... I'm gaining an enemy, and a boyfriend. I plopped back on the bed and turned on Captain America: The First Avenger, to re-watch it, since I haven't been able to see the newest one. I felt my eyelids heavy, but he continued to watch the movie.  
At some point I fell asleep, because I just woke up, next to Russia. WAIT... Next to Russia? Did we? How? When? What did? I am having a hard time, completing my questions, but who could blame me?


	3. God Damn Russia and his 'Charm'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fucking Russia… I mean I didn't - I HATE RUSSIA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written a while ago so it has things like "fudge" instead of fuck…

__________________  
"Did you sleep well my sunflower?" Russia cooed. Fudge, where am I, am I in the hotel? Oh well, I'm still figuring this out! Don't yell at me! Hrm... Well I might aswell ask about how the and where the heck I am.  
"Russia"  
"да?"  
"What did you do to me? And where am I?"  
"I would never harm my sunflower! We snuggled, it was nice..." Russia smiled, and heck, it was adorable! "Oh, and you're in my hotel room! After a bottle of водка you passed out! Слабый!" He laughed, and I barely understood his jibberious, but I nodded along, soaking up the body heat emitted from Russia.  
"Russia..."  
"да?"  
"Why am I so cold?"  
"You had a temperature... I didn't want you to catch a cold, so I turned the temperature down" He snuggled into my hair, and I strangely felt safe...   
XxX

I got up after almost pushing Russia and engaging another war. After getting up, noticing the thermostat, it read '40 degrees Fahrenheit! No wonder it was hella cold! "Russia,please don't tell England about this... and personally,I don't like you like that..."  
"О, хорошо жаль...что Англия будет зверски убит!" Russia darkly laughed.  
"What the heckie did you even say?!?"   
"Oh, nothing... Just that England will be murdered, because we belong together! I saw the happiness in your eyes!"  
I ran for the door but a pipe was thrown at the door. Russia threw himself at me, I flinched, but it was a hug. He whispered Russian phrases in my ear sweetly,"Нет необходимости беспокоиться свою любовь, вы не мое, ты моя, тссс." I didn't know what he was saying, but it was probably along the lines of 'I love you'.  
"Russia, can I please figure this out?"  
"What is there to figure out, you love me. No?"  
"That's the thing, I don't know who I love, so let me figure this out..." I said this with worry coating every word.  
"Alright Sunflower, even if you don't choose me, I'll always be here if England treats you badly, if he is alive after that..." Russia smiled, the last part might have been a joke.  
I smiled and walked into the hallway, where I saw a pair of emerald green eyes, staring at me.  
"Where were you last night? We're you ..." England blushed,"Did you er-"  
"No Russia and I had nothing between us!"  
"Sure..." England spat back with venom laced words, oozing with jealousy.  
"If you love me you would believe me England." I looked into his grassy green eyes with a pleading look.  
"Okay."


	4. England: The Hopless Romantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Frog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so old, I'm crying it is terrible

England PoV

\---

"That bloody git! Spending the night with Russia! He knows how much I love him! I-it's almost as if he wants to hurt me... again." I fumed, out loud, in earshot of that stupid frog, France! 

"Oh, is Angleterre having some boy problems?~" France purred, behind me.

He was uncomfortably close,"Er ye-, Wait! Why should I tell you, Frog?!"

"Believe me, mon cher, romance is my specialty!" He grinned, having a rose in his mouth. 

"How did you get that rose?!" 

"Romance, and amour," he purred, winking,"work in mysterious ways,Angleterre!" 

I shivered,"Why do you want to help me?"

"Because~," France's purple eyes were full of determination,"Everyone should be with who they truly love! One should not mess with true love!" There were roses everywhere, even one was in my hair! 

"F-Fine! P-please help me win America's heart! I love him so, but Russia yearns to be with him as well!"

France's hand was on his chin, an appeared to be thinking,"What about a thre-"

"FRANCE!" I seemed to say this a tad to loud, since Canada and Prussia turned to see what was going on. "Sorry! Nothing is wrong go back to what you're doing!" And with that Prussia started snogging Canada again. 

"See, that is true love , Angleterre!" France's eyes were shimmering in admiration,"Don't you want that?"

I was as read as the Union Jack,"Well of course!"

"Then, follow my: How to get a Hot Boyfriend for Dummies, By: France!" He laughed.

"Don't make fun of me!" I fumed.

"Okay, Step One: Get his Attention! Use anything you can, a conversation, food, games, ect! Just get him to look at you for more than a second."

"Got it." I scribbled down what France said, even thoughtful was France, It was still great advise. 

"Step Two: Pop a few Questions: Like are you attracted to me, would you be interested in going out to coffee with me, or just start a mutual friendship if, a relationship wasn't a stablished." He stopped for a moment to let me write. "Step 3: Leave this step for a few days later. Either ask him out, or get him to ask you! Why you leave this for a few days later is that you try to attract your target, dress nicely, be extra nice, things like that!" France was looking over my notes. 

"Good?" I made sure I got all of it.

"Yep! Step 4; Dealing with Turndown, or the Date! If you were turned down, there are more fish in the sea; aka me, or keep trying to reel in that American lover boy. But, if you got that date, act natural! Being queasy is the worst you could do!"

"Wait, really? What If I do get nervous?"

"Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Splash water on your face to calm yourself."

France was surprisingly full of wisdom, and was helping me out immensely! "Okay! What's next?"

"Step 5: The 2 Date! If you really like each other, you'll keep in contact an plan another date! And if that works out you'll get to the third date~"

"What's so special about a third date huh?" I was confused, until France waggled his eyebrows suggestively."Nonononono! We will not! After like the- the 10th date! Or more!" I was redder than one of Spain's tomatoes. 

"Well fine. After that, just do what feels natural. And remember, don't pressure him,Angleterre! If you do, things might not work" France gave a reassuring, uncharacteristic smile. "And I will be there to pick either one of you on the rebound!" He laughed.

"Oh, I won't let a catch like that idiot get away!" I grinned,"Unless Russia gets him first..."

"Then you must make haste!" France said shooing me,"Go to him!" He called dramatically, as if he were in a soap opera. 

\----

America's PoV

\---

"Sup bro!" I yelled to Iggy. 

"Why hello, America! I was wondering if you would, I dunno, get tea, or coffee sometime?"

"Sure! Anything for my buddy!" I smiled.

\---

England's PoV

\---

I-I WAS FRIEND ZONED?!? Well, in a day or two I'll get him around my finger! I'll kill 'em with kindness, and he'll sure to be mine!

"That's splendid! Maybe on Tuesday?" I was trying to talk in my kindest tone.

"Sure! Anything for a old pal!" America boomed, crushing me into a hug.

I waved and walked into my room. Maybe this week in a hotel won't be as miserable as usual! After all I've got America around my finger!


	5. Dinner and Disapointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Russia baby, and wow still crappy writing. I apologize for this, but I promise the writing gets better and longer!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still shitty year old writing… soon it will be updated to speed

America's PoV

It was soooooo hard to find a good McDonalds around here! Like no WiFi! I had found a good one, ordered the usual (20 Burgers, 2 large fries, and 1 shake), and sat down. I even brought my laptop to do work while I eat the food of the heroes! Hmm, I wonder if Spider-Man likes McDonalds... Or any of the Avengers? I bet they do! No one could turn down a warm McDonalds fry (Or like a large order of them)!

Well I opened up my laptop, and started typing. I looked through work, and did the easy stuff first, who doesn't? I ended up doing quite a bit of work before ordering ten more burgers, 3 large fries, and two milkshakes. I took my food, and when I came back, someone was sitting at my booth! I walked casually to the table, and soon enough I found it was Iggy! 

"What's up?" I said, a bit too loud.

"Hello, I'd guessed you'd be here, I wanted to tell you... You forgot, you forgot our meet up..." England said, disappointed.

"I am soooo sorry Bro! How's about I finish my work, and we can go out to dinner~" I seemed to over do it with a wink, by the look of England's face.

England's PoV

XxX

I was probably redder than one of France's stupid roses,"O-okay." Did I stutter? What am I, a teenage girl? 

"I promise," America looked into my emerald eyes,"I will make this the best dinner, ever!" He smiled and started to lean in. I reached his lips, and neither one of us pulled away in disgust. We broke apart, and smiled. I was on cloud nine! Nothing would go wrong tonight! 

(Third Person) Cue Russia!

XxX

Russia sat around on his laptop, hugging his America plushie. He had been trying to look up ways to smitten the sky blue eyed blonde, who never left his mind. He traced the plastic frames, and hugged the plush once more.

The truth, Russia wasn't really,'The big bad Russia' he was just an intimidating guy. It was true he sometimes he was pushed over the edge, and he would become a very scary guy,but he wasn't that all the time. 

Meanwhile, Russia's Internet research was fruitless. He decided to take his own approach. He decided to dress nicely, bring burgers, and a bottle of vodka, to America's room. Hopefully he would be let in, and they would have an enjoyable evening, and become closer to the spunky young man. 

England's PoV

XxX

I was getting ready, for what seemed to be the most important dinner of my life! I had put on the nicest clothes I packed, a green sweater vest(with a tad of argyle patten), a white dress shirt under. I tried to tame my hair, but ended up with hurting hands, instead of taming my unruly hair. I even tried plucking my eyebrows, but they would just grow back! After what seemed like an hour, there was a knock at the door. I looked through the peep-hole, and noticed it was America! 

"Lemme in! Come onnnnn~" America whined, clawing at the door, like the young colony he used to be. 

"Alright alright! One moment!" I hissed, without an ounce of venom. I unlocked the door, to be engulfed into a hug. "What is with you, git!" 

"I thought you might want a sample of tonight!" America said, smiling.

"You. Only you..." I sighed, hugging back. 

"Okay lets roll!" America shouted. 

I noticed the white dress shirt, and tie, under his favorite brown jacket. I smiled at his effort to empress me.

We walked out of the hotel, and hopped into a cab.

Russia! (Third Person)

XxX

Russia had all his ingredients for operation,"Get Closer to America" (I know bad name). He finished wrapping his scarf around, and was prepared for anything! He brought the bag, that was full of American things, like super hero movies and burgers, along with a bottle of vodka for himself.

He walked down the hall to America's room to find a letter,'Hey Bro! Sorry, I'm not in right now! But, if you have to tell me anything, have Canada (room to the left) relay a message! -America the Hero!' 

Russia laughed darkly,"Of corse!" He calmed down," Well, there is always tomorrow." But, even the most oblivious country would know he is upset. He was dragging his feet and bag. He opened up the vodka and started looking over these silly movies titled,"Spider-Man",or,"Captain America". His eyes lighted up at the title,'Maybe if I watch this an get background info, we'll get closer!' He made up his mind as he popped the DVD into the player, and took a swig of Vodka. "Looks promising..." Russia admitted.

America's PoV

XxX

So we made it to that restaurant, it was casual dress, no jeans or tee-shirts, which didn't bother me much. It seemed England liked it. We waited for what seemed to be HOURS before they seated us. The waitress was really nice, as she seated us. After ordering a salmon for me, and soup for England, we sat at the booth, and engaged friendly conversation. He talked of something, probably tea or something else incredibly English. I just looked into his emerald greed eyes, and his blond tangled rat's nest.

"Alfred," he used my human name when we're in public,"are you listening?!"

I snapped out if my daze, when the food was set.

England PoV

XxX

I have never seen America be this polite. He even is using his his knife and fork! Wait did he while his mouth a napkin?! "You are using outstanding etiquette."

"Ha! Of corse the hero would act the best for his heroine!" America laughed.

"I am not a girl!" 

Third Person Russia!

XxX 

All the countries that were left in the hotel that night were attending dinner. "Prussia, Canada, France, South Italy, and Spain seem to be gone." he said to China, who was sitting next to him.

"England and America are gone too aru,"China added,"Hey! America owes me money aru!"

A click just happened in Russia's mind,'England and America are on a date!'


	6. Car Rides and Disney Movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Writing gets slightly better. America goes on a trip, and brings back movies for the baes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing slightly less shitty

A few days passed, and the bubbling pot, known as Russia, was about to go over. He was pacing around the conference table, since he was the only one there. His relations with everyone were falling apart. 

\---

Russia PoV

\----

Ukraine was at war with me, and her citizens wanted to become one with me, but my boss refused. All I said my population living there should get more power. Belarus was, well Belarus and England was, well England, the jerk who stole my Sunflower. And poor poor America... England has been forcing America to go to dinner, that should be ME dragging him everywhere. My thoughts were cleared, when he, America, walked in.

"Hey Russia, how's it goin'?" America yawned. You could see it in the bags under his eyes, that he'd been up all night.

"I am good America, how are you?"

"I'm doing well..." he said, a bit disconnected from reality.

"Would you like to 'hang' America?" I asked, flustered, since I didn't quite know American slang.

"Sure Russia, lemme see if Eng- actually sure, why not. I think making up would be ideal. Since are friendship has been very damaged from the Cold War, and since last meeting..." He smiled, looking as gorgeous as ever.

"Okay!" I beamed. It's the first time I'd been happy since I drank a whole bottle of vodka and...

"Hello, America and," England sneered,"Russia. You're quite early."

"Yep! Everyone knows the early bird gets the burger, or something like that." America laughed.

"It's the early bid gets the worm, git." England corrected.

"Oh well, how are you, England?" I asked, even though I didn't want to talk to him.

"I'm fine, America and I were on a date last night." He said full of attitude.

*le meeting #2*

America's Heroic P.O.V

\--

"We all need to make an effort to create less pollution!" And with that I tuned Germany out. 

Meetings are super boring! Why do we need 'em? It's like, why not Skype or something? I wish I could be on Tumblr right now. I pulled out my phone and surfed Tumblr under the table. At one point I saw this joke,'What do you call Spidey when he climbs a building? Peter Parkour!' Oh my Drake and Josh, it was so funny! But, I laughed, not like a giggle, like a full blown laugh. Everyone tuned and glared at me. 

"Mr. Jones! do I have to take your phone away?" Germany boomed.

"N-no sir..." I replied. 

~After Meeting~ 

"Hello America, do you still want to go to the movies?"

"Oh, sure! Which one?" 

"The Amazing Spider-Man 2." Russia had informed me,"Do you want to go?"

"Is my country the best?"

"Uhh-" Russia thought for a minute.

"Of course!"I shouted, because it was so obvious.

"Ah! Then let us go, together!" Russia cheered.

"All yeah lets go!" I chimed in with his cheering. 

We walked down to the lobby, and to the parking lot. We both rode in my amazing Ford truck with painted on scratches, with the American flag popping out! It was a sweet ride, I could tell, everyone wanted to drive a car like this. 

As we drove, I kept the radio on. I don't think Russia has seen any thing weirder than my love affair with girly pop. 

"IT'S GOIN' DOWN~ I'M YELLIN' TIMBER! YOU BETTER MOVE, YOU BETTER DANCE~! LETS MAKE A NIGHT YOU WON'T REMEMBER, AND I'LL BE THE ONE YOU WON'T FORGET~" I sang along. Russia stared at me with pure confusion,"OoOo~ OOoOO~ OoOooOO~"

"Are you dying? Russia asked.

"Nonono, this is the beautiful music of my people, pop."

"I am interested in this 'Pop Music' genre."

As soon as 'Timber' turned off. America's face flushed at the hauntingly familiar tune. 

"Is something wrong?" Russia asked.

"T-this song..." I stuttered.

"I like this beat, sounds like it will be good."

So I kept the devil's song on.

The radio sang out,"Hey, Hey, Hey!" and repeated a few times. "If you can't hear what I'm trying to say. If you can't read from the same page. Maybe I'm going deaf, maybe I'm going blind

maybe I'm out of my mind~"

"Sounds good." Russia smiled.

"Just wait." I winced. This song is just... It sounds like a song France would listen to! I'm more

of a 'Call Me Maybe' guy.

The radio blared again," OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you

,but you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature. Just let me liberate you.

Hey, hey, hey. You don't need no papers. Hey, hey, hey. That man is not your maker."

Russia was still bobbing to what he thought was an okay song or listen to. 

"I know you want it," repeated a few times,"You're a good girl~! Can't let it get past me you're far from plastic. Talk about getting blasted. I hate these blurred lines~"

Russia was now humming the beat.

"I know you want it," repeated even more,"But you're a good girl. The way you grab me, must wanna get nasty~.

Go ahead, get at me!"

I was completely red at this point. Russia wasn't! How could he still like this horrid song?! The chorus repeated after a bit, and Russia sang along.

"I know you want it," he repeated about three times,"but, you're a good guy~. The way you grab me~ must wanna get nasty~ Go 'head come at me!" 

The catchy beat soon died down,"Good song. Didn't quite understand,"

I let a breath of relief, but I was cut off.

"I did know what the chorus meant though!" He said proudly,"That is why I substituted girl for guy!"

I blushed even more, until I changed the channel. I changed it accidentally to Disney Channel Radio. And "Let it Go" just came on. Dear lord I hated the songs from 'Frozen' now, since LITTLE KIDS WILL NOT SHUT UP! I was about to change it, when a hand touched mine. 

"It sounds good!" Russia nodded.

"Fine." I kept it on. And guess what? It was a 'Frozen' song marathon. Russia had loved the songs. He even sang to the chorus. I hated this forty minute trip. 

"Stop here." Russia demanded when we drove by Walgreen*s. He then ran to the 'Red Box' and rented a movie, or two. He then came excitedly to my truck.

"Look! It's the song movie!" He pointed excitedly at the cover.

"Yep."

"Lets watch 'Frozen'!"

"Real-"

"I wanna watch the movie so bad! Then we can come back and watch your movie." 

Debating with Russia was like debating with a five-year-old with nuclear weaponry at times, "Okay Russia."

~One road-trip back to the hotel and fifteen repeats of 'Let it Go' later~

We walked back into the lobby, where we encountered England.

"Why hello you two,"He greeted,"where have you been."

"Long story, now Russia wants to watch Frozen."

"Can I join you?"

"No!" Russia snapped.

"Yes," I corrected,"we're all frienimes here."

So we all got into the elevator to our floor. We walked over to my room, unlocked the door and got in. From outside I heard a faint,"Ohonhonhon." and a closer,"It's not what you think stupid frog!"

Well we popped in the disk and I realized, we had NO SNACKS! Who watches a movie without snacks?! I quickly came to the rescue, (since I'm the hero) with emergency candy, and chips. Not as good as popcorn, but good enough. I put all of the snack bags sprawled out between all of us, and started the movie again. 

And of corse, there's commentary.

"Elsa reminds me of me, with her magic." England added.

"I like how cute they are!" Russia added.

\--One Elsa breakdown later--

"So what if it's eternal winter? That is how my land is."

"They aren't as adapted as you with the cold, so their animals and plants will die, so they are worried for the kingdom." England answered, not snapping at Russia. The movie was working! 

\--One Olaf Later--

"I wish my snowmen came to life." Russia laughed. England and I laughed too.

England and I laughed too. Over all Disney brings people and nations together. 

\--One Backstabbing Hans later--

"WHY?! NO!" And various other angered comments came from Russia and England 

"Hans is the worst scum of the Disney World!" Cried England, with Russia agreeing.

\--One Act of True Love later-

"Awww! They hugged and she came back and, it was adorable~!"

After the movie ended Russia pulled out 'Tangled' out of his scarf.

-After Tangled (no commentary since I haven't watched it in a while, sorry)-

"I like these movies! Another!" Russia demanded, since he only rented two. 

"Netflix time!" I half yelled. We ended up watching,'The Great Mouse Detective' before Russia left. He hugged me good-bye, and thanked me for being a good friend. England and I ended up watching 'Brave', even though it was a Pixar movie. He made remarks about how he loved the spells and time accuracy. 

"You can choose your own fate, America." He then hugged me, and left. 

Today was a good- I NEVER GOT TO SEE SPIDER-MAN 2! Well, I guess watching Disney movies with Iggy and Russia was worth it. 

\---

Stuff I referenced that isn't mine

\--

'Brave' -Pixar

'Frozen','The Great Mouse Detective' and,'Tangled' or any songs from the following- Disney

Timber- Pitbull and Ke$ha 

Blurred Lines- Thickle (I think)

Call Me Maybe- Carly Ray Jepson 

(And all the characters in general :D)


	7. M-Maple!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A PruCan break :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much better writing :)

Canada was sitting peacefully in the empty conference room, with little Kuma on his lap. He was happily petting the small sleeping bear. The conference had ended about twenty minutes ago, but he didn't want to wake the teeny bear, so he stayed. Kuma would toss and turn, but a reassuring pet would settle him down. 

All was at peace until, the door busted open... "Hallo! Anyone home? It's me Prussia!" The white haired man yelled, looking around. "No one here," he said turning around.

Canada sighed in relief.

"Except CANADA!" Prussia hollered, running towards the cowering Canadian. 

He finally smashed into Canada, and hugged him, while a sleepy Kuma wondered around on the floor. 

"I missed you so much!" Prussia whined.

"Haven't you been at the hotel?" 

"Nope, since I'm not technically a country, I have to pay money, something I don't have!" Prussia pouted.

"I guess you can stay in my room, if you w-want." Canada said, trying to make up for when they were both drunk and ended up making-out. 

"Alrighty then Mattie!" Gilbert beamed, smiling wide. 

\- Character Swap, since this isn't a PruCan fic ;-; -

It had been the third meeting during the countries' three month 'vacation'. Every two years, all the counties, get together and just chill. They still have work, but it is more fun to do your work with friends, rather then alone!

America already had his week's 'homework' done, so he was swimming. He was at an outdoor pool, since they were in Florida this year! 

( "Florida, Ohonhonhon!" France giggled) 

Some others, Spain, Romano, Italy, Germany- Wait! Was that-

"Hello, America! Mind if I join you?" England asked.

"Not a-at all." England was in swimming trunks. He saw his whole chest, especially how fit he was. He may have been weak but he sure looked good!

"Iggy and America sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes England with the baby carriage!" Sealand squealed with delight, getting some of the other micro nations to join in too.

"Why did I even bring the brat?" England sighed.

"It's alright, it's only harmless teasing."

"Hrmpf."

America just sat in his inner-tube, and floated. 

"Oh, hiya there Russia!"

"Hi, America, England."

"Hello Russia." England said with a hint of spite, but he didn't find Russia annoying, or a threat.

Russia wasn't one for swimming, so he just sat in a chair under an dark gray shirt and kaki shorts. He wasn't one that was used to the warm climate, so the poor guy was sweating. 

America smiled, and kept floating along. He closed his eyes and listened to all of his friends laughing and arguing, 

"M-Maple!" A familiar voice yelled, before there was a big splash.

-PruCan!! :D -

"Come on! Lets do something!" Prussia complained.

Gilbird chirped in agreement as he sat on Prussia's silver white hair.

Kuma agreed,"Bored!"

"Fine, where do you wanna go?"

"Home!" Kuma cheered, since his toys were there.

"Oooh! What about the pool?" Prussia suggested.

"Do you have a swimsuit? It sunscreen? Do you have googles?"

"Uh, yeah actually, don't worry! I was planning to vacation here anyways, I was gonna crash at America's place, but, I remember you guys have your lil' summer break." Prussia giggled.

"Come on!" Kuma nudged Canada, wanting to go.

"Alright, alright... Prussia do you have your stuff with you?"

"Yep," he chirped showing his back pack,"Let's go!" 

They walked out of the hotel, with sunscreen, swimsuits, and other various items. Canada unlocked his van. His brother made fun of his van all the time, calling it,"The mommy van".Canada was always the designated driver, or else Canada's aggressive, and more er- French side came out.

After ten music filled minutes,

they were at the outdoor water-park. Prussia gathered up all their belongings, and followed Canada to the changing rooms. After changing in the stalls, Canada was in a pair of simple white swim trunks, and Prussia in black ones.

Prussia turned to his counterpart and blushed. Under all those hoodies and layers, Canada was hot! 

"What?" Canada said, afraid he did something to anger or confuse the Prussian.

"You look awesome," Prussia whispered.

"What?"

"I look awesome, I mean..." Prussia nervously laughed.

"Wha-"

"Play!" Kuma shouted, making Canada flinch.

"Alrighty then Kuma, tally-ho and away we go!" Prussia shouted, then dashed off, with Kuma at his heels. 

"He sure is something..." Canada sighed, and Gilbird cooed in agreement.

Canada and Gilbird made their way to the pool, but they didn't see Prussia.

"CANADA~!" Prussia shouted from behind making the younger yelp.

"M-Maple!" And SPLASH! Both were tangled together in the pool. Canada looked over to Prussia, who's face was as red as his eyes. 

-Current-

"Woah! Are you alright buddy?" America rushed over to his brother.

"F-fine."

"Oh thank god! It's okay everyone, Canada and Prussia are fine!" America yelled to the ignorant nations, who were clearly not paying attention. 

America decided it was time to jus relax other than float around. He got out of the pool and slicked back his wet hair. About five nations (including England and Russia) dropped what they were doing to admire America, the beautiful. 

America grabbed his towel and sat down on a chair next to Russia. Russia smiled, and liked the small amount of company. England soon did the same, but sat nest to America. 

From the sidelines stood a very envious woman, a little sister to be exact.

-Canada, eh?-

Kuma, Canada and Prussia were all swimming around, enjoying them selves. Kuma suggested playing 'Marco Polo', and the two men agreed. 

"Marco!" Prussia yelled.

"Polo!" Canada and Kuma yelled, being on opposite sides o the pool.

They repeated themselves a few more times, until Prussia rammed into Canada. 

"I am so sorry, Canada! The Awesome Me didn't know where he was going!"

"It's alright," Canada reassured "are you okay?!"

"Yep fine!" Prussia said, trying to speak over France singing.

"There you see him, sitting there across the bay~" 

Spain started playing maracas, and Romano was forced to play the bongos,"More like the pool, stupida."

"He don't got a lot to say, but there's something about him~!

And you don't know why but you're dying to try. You wanna kiss the guy~!" France beautifully serenaded the two.

Red blushes crept up both of the nations' faces.

Prussia closed his eyes, and leant in, landing directly on Canada's soft maple-ish tasting lips.

France and Spain made 'Awww!'s and 'cute!'s before they left the two alone.

"This is much better." Prussia laughed.

"S-sorry about last time..." Canada whimpered, remembering his sloppy drunken make-out sessions and blushed.

"That's alright, liebe."Prussia said reassuringly. 

"Je t'aime, la Prusse." Canada smiled.

"Ich liebe dich auch, Kanada."


	8. Don't Drink Pink Liquids: A Lesson Learned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops Nyotalia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, this is an alright chapter

Three of these... Two drops of this... a whole bottle of this... Aha! It should be done... "Do you think the potion is done, Flying Mint Bunny?" I asked, as the potion bubbled in the cauldron.

"Yep, now its just time to bottle it, an drink it if you wish... Thought it might not be a good idea." Minty answered back.

"Okay." I pulled out my small potion bottles, and started to pour the concoction into five different bottles.

"Let it cool first, so it doesn't burn you." Minty warned.

"Ah, well yes, of course. And I'm going to make tea as well, you want any?" Minty nodded in response to my question, so I filled the kettle with water and put it over the fire.

"Do you want to test it on another first?" Minty inquired.

"I've surprisingly made this many times before, when I was into spy work... and when I would get pissed drunk a few times... Stupid France!" I reminded Minty.

"Ahh, yes! I remember those days. You and France's 'visits'." Minty reminded me of the 'Dark Ages'.

"D-Don't e-ever bring that up again, or else I will know what flying bunnies taste like." I threatened through my raging blush.

"Geez! Maybe winning over America will make your mood brighten." Minty retorted with a rude connotation.

"Oh hush up," I said, being interrupted by kettle whistle,"The tea is ready."

"I have ears, long ones."

I put the tea bags in, and brought it to Flying Mint Bunny.

"Here you go, Minty." I handed it the cup.

"What if you mixed the potion and the tea? It wouldn't change the spell, and it would taste better." It suggested.

"Well, okay." I look one of the five bottles and poured it into the tea kettle.

"Bottoms up, chap." Minty said, coaxing me to drink the tea.

"Here it goes." I drank my tea quickly, and made sure not a drop was left. I felt odd, but that meant the potion was a success! I eventually passed out, due to the body using too much energy for the transformation.

I fell into a grassy field filled with flowers and a tall tree. This wasn't the potion, I was dreaming, which was good.

If I wasn't dreaming that would mean I died, and the spell's affect would wear off when I woke. Because I'm asleep, the potion already worked, and I just need to store energy. Now, part two... after a small nap.

\---

Russia PoV

\---

"Now now big brother! No more running of with America and England! You are mine, and you will not leave this room!" Belarus hissed at me. Latvia was also here, but wasn't tied since he wasn't considered a threat.

There is only one person who scares me, Belarus. She is convinced that we will marry, but I will not marry her, no matter what.

"One moment Big Brother! I need to use the powder room." My sister said, before kicking me in the shin, then leaving the room.

"Untie me Latvia, da?" I asked, with an aurora of despair surrounding me.

"S-Sorry, but I'm more scared of Belarus than you, s-sir." Latvia stuttered.

"Okay, then more time in the timeout when we get home." I threatened.

"T-timeo-out? Not that dark place! I c-can't defend myself from those t-things in there!"

"Then untie me, da?" I asked once more.

The young boy thought it out, then untied me. "I wonder why I never run away." He sighed.

"Because you know that I will hunt you down no matter what." I said nonchalantly, causing the boy to shiver and work faster.

After a few more moments of removing the rope, I was free from Belarus! I waved to Latvia who was jumping out the window to freedom he would never get.

I continued on my path of the hotel, and came a cross England's room. It smelled if smoke, and I grew a tad worried for my new comrade (we were still fighting for America, but he is a interesting person once you get to know him).

I knocked on the door, but no one came, and the smell grew stronger. "England! England, are you okay?" Maybe he was in a tricky hostage situation? Or is still burning after he died! I kept thinking of all the terrible things that could happen to him.

Or he could be in the bathroom. Or making tea? Or even a potion! Summoning something? Did he get eaten? I was starting to panic a bit under my complexion of calm.

I looked through the peek-hole to see a few bottles filled with pink, and a blonde haired person knocked out on the ground. The hair was too long to be England's... The woman stirred for a moment before getting up. She had a black cloak on, that much to big for her.

I knocked on the door, causing her to jump,"England? Are you here?" I asked from behind the door.

"Uh one moment!" The woman said before looking around, but then seemed to give up. She walked to the door and opened it. "Hello Russia."

"Wait how did you-" I was cut off by the woman.

"It's me, England. I used a potion to make me a woman. Around the others just say I'm a friend named... Alice, who is filling in for England as he recovers from a magic incident." She said as a kettle was put on the stove to reheat (don't ask me I don't know how tea works).

I sighed in relief,"Okay Eng- Alice. I just smelled smoke and worried a little."

"Well thanks for checking up on me... Would you like any tea?"

"Sure." I replied as she poured two cups.

"Here you go!" Alice smiled, as he gave me the cup. I took a sip, it was quite good, but a bit pinkish in color, which I didn't mind. I drank it, but felt a bit tired and my stomach felt a tad off.

"Thanks!" My voice sounded a bit off as well, but what would actually happen? "I guess I'll see you at dinner!"

"Ah- never mind..." Alice waved to me as I walked out the door.

I headed to my room, to have a quick nap. I got to the room an pulled out my room card. I noticed my hands weren't as calloused, and were smaller... I used the card and walked into my room.

I walked past the mirror, and I glanced into it. There was a tall woman with long silver hair and violet eyes staring back... I traced my figure, which used to be brick, was now curved, and rounder. I fingered through my long hair.

I kept staring at my figure at the mirror. I rubbed my tired eyes, but eventually decided to investigate later, and just sleep.


	9. Omake Theater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> P.S. This is the most crack I've ever written at one time, and with out a plan. America has a dream, Canada gets laid, and the Japan Hungry yaoi club is included.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say about this one.

Miss England's breasts popped out of the tiny dress,"Why hello, Mr. Jones," She purred,"What brings you here?"

"Oh, nothing! Just checking up on my sweetheart" I chuckled, looking at England's boo- beaded necklace.

"What are you talking about? Oh, and by the way, my eyes, they're up here." England scolded.

"Babe, I'm sorry, you just look amazing!" I was practically drooling as her lip gloss shone in the light.

"Oh silly, silly America... You chose Russia." She laughed bitterly.

"Well, what does that matter, can't I just pick you up on the rebound, since I guess we broke up?" I shrugged.

"Don't make me laugh, wanker. You missed your chance, love... And, how is the new baby? You haven't said a thing about her, normally that's all you talk about!" She glared.

"Baby?"

"Yes, your ex-wife, Russia. You had a child, Alaska, little girl, long platinum blonde hair, violet eyes... and a curl to left side that curls up." Miss England smiled,"She is a darling, and you're a single father..." She brushed up against my cheek.

"Well, are you sure? We could raise this little girl together. This one could stay, and not grow up, and not revolt. Please...Please England!" I cried out.

"Oh, dearie..." She pulled me closer,"if only," she whispered onto my lips,"if only it were that easy." Miss England then pulled me into a kiss.

"W-what?" I was so confused,"Why can't you help me?"

"What is the fun, if I'm yours for good?" She teased.

"What the hell is even going on?" I stressed.

"Well, we're at a dinner, with the others." She said, vaguely pointing over at Canada, Prussia, France and Spain.

"What happened between me and Russia... I mean, I just can't remember."

"Well," she paused and flirtatiously rested her finger on her lip,"You two dated for a while, then you preposed. She said yes, you two had a child seven months later, little Alaska. Uh, you two devorced when she was four, and you haven't quite held a conversation since."

"Ah, now what about you and me?" I cautiously asked.

"On again, off again. Right now I'm not quite sure, because I might end up going home with you." She winked,"Besides, that suit! You know I have a fetish for that." She winked, running her fingers through her long blonde hair . She then pulled my tie and- BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

"Ug! Stupid alarm! I don't even want to wake-"

"A-Americ-ca! H-Help!" Canada whispered.

"Wha-"

"Well, Germans love beer and all, but I didn't know that they still drank at eight O' clock!" Canada nervously laughed.

"So what?" I rubbed my eyes, still listening.

"Prussia is already hammered, and he is quite an affectionate drunk." Canada rubbed his neck,"So, can I stay here, for an hour or so?Just until he stops yelling around the hote-"

"CANADA!" Prussia yelled,"I want your awesomeness!" He slurred

I laughed,"Go get 'im tiger!"

"N-no, it is wrong to take advantage of those under the influence!" Canada was very polite, and strong, but when it came to romance, he was very traditional.

"Eh!" I mimicked Canada,"Prussia, I'll be at the room in five, get ready! Unless, you're scared, eh?"

"Kesesesesese, okay babe! See~ ya~!" Prussia laughed.

"Now, you go to your man!" I dramatically held my arm to my forehead.

"I hate you sometimes..." Canada hissed, before reluctantly walked out of the room, and into his own next door.

"I better not hear you guys~" I teased,"Why did you even come over here?"

"We share a room, and I've been hiding in everyone's room." Canada yelled back before,"Kiss me Canada!" Interrupted him. 

"Alright, I get the picture, I'm heading out." I got out of bed, and pulled on some jeans and a T-shirt, brushed hair, then walked out the door.

I practically ran because I could smell the continental breakfast! It literally is continental because all the continents are here, along with a dish! But, because it is in Florida, I didn't even need to choose!

I briskly walked over to the dining hall for usual guests, and made a giant plate of good ol' usual breakfast, because I didn't want rice in EVERYTHING! Like rice was only in a few dishes, but it was every where. Gross.

I still ate with everyone. I carefully walk-ran my big plate over. I ended up sitting next to Japan. Japan is awesome! He makes manga, anime, and a bunch of awesome video games!

I looked over at the smaller, concentrated man. He was deep into a book- a manga, it turns out. I tried to read the title through his hands, but all I read was ' Doushinji'

"Hiya Japan! What's a doushinji?" I asked the raven headed man.

He almost spit out his tea. It was like the time I asked England what sex was. "America-chan! W-where did you learn that word?!" Japan was flushed as he stuttered.

"Is it a new manga?" I asked innocently.

"N-no..."

"Tell me~!" I whined, patting his arm.

"Well... Dōjinshi is a book or magazine that is published by an author that is not well known."

"Oh~! What is the one you're reading?" I was actually very interested. After I asked, I noticed his bag was filled to the brim, with what I expected to be dōjinshi.

Hungry popped out of nowhere,"Japan! You got the stuff! Goodie!" She smiled deviously.

"Hai, why wouldn't I bring some?"

"I dunno... What did you bring?" She giggled.

"USUK, RusAme, PruCan, GerIta... Spamano... And a few I just packed." Japan answered.

"Hey! I'm the US!" I felt smart, but Hungry and Japan's faces drained.

"Wait the UK is Iggy, and Rus is short for Russia... Pru-Prussia and Canada! Ger- Germany and Ita- Italy! What do these codes mean?" I felt really smart.

"Uh, nothing... Unless you want a frying pan to the head!" Hungry threatened.

"..."

"Hallo! You are now blessed with my arrival!" Prussia laughed with a blushing Canada under his arm. Canada appeared with a crinkled curl, knotted hair, and a hickey that trailed up his neck.

"Sorry, he is still a tad drunk..." Canada sighed, still weighed under the Prussian's arm. Prussia's hair was as messy as usual, but he was overjoyed, grinning from ear to ear.

"Kiss me Mattie!" Prussia puckered up as Canada ducked.

"Non!" Canada was blushing profusely.

Prussia caught the younger off guard, and kissed him.

"PruCan!" Hungry whispered to Japan, before the two had small nosebleeds.

"Me and Birdie here..." he laughed,"We hit it off! Isn't that right liebe?" Hungry about exploded.

"I apologize for this greatly..." he sighed,"Come on, time for breakfast..." he whispered the las word,"Cher."

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! So csinos!" Hungry was shaking a bloodied up Japan.

"K-kawaii!" Japan whispered.

"Well, I guess I'll read one!" I said, and took a book from the bag. It looked pretty cute. It had a picture of me and Russia on the cover. I flipped through...Oh, cute! This is getting- OH MY GOODNESS WHY!

I threw the book, as if it burned me, which it did. It burned my eyes.

"Oh my... Japan! America picked up the RusAme one!" She quietly yelled.

Japan flushed,"Ah, sorry America-san!" He recovered the devil book and stuffed it into his bag.

I shrugged. Everyone has their own secret pleasures. I decided I had lost my appetite, so I walked back into my room.

On my way, I passed Iggy's room. I heard giggling. It was an octave higher than any of England's friends. I knocked, to make sure he was safe, but I remembered I had a key! I slid the key in, and opened the door.

I saw two beautiful girls- women talking, until they turned their focus towards me.

"A-America?!" The blonde squealed.

"Hallo!" The violet eyed girl smiled and replied.

"I am so confused." I flat out admitted.


	10. Ah, those of two X chromosomes…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much crack. Baka and Test references.

I was still wrapping my mind around the two women in front of me... I mean England explained it, but it just seemed to much like a dream come true! England was adorable! I mean pigtails? Glasses? Gwah! And Russia! Long hair, and the same beautiful violet eyes... It's like they're trying to kill me with cuteness! 

"Awe~! You two are picture perfect! Well, maybe England could have a bigger..." I made a circular motion around my chest... then Russia hit me.

"Women are not objects to be ogled!" England scolded,"And they aren't too small, Russia, are they?" England's new hormones were kicking in, making him- er her even more self conscious, hot headed, kinder, and fragile. 

"They are fine, just like you. Beautiful!" Russia clapped then smiled wide, his- her broken English was even cuter. 

"Thanks." England smiled, and hugged Russia. I couldn't take it... I'm gonna die from anemia*... I thought as drops of red spilled from my nose.

I had visions of them braiding hair, having tea parties, and doing each other's make-up! Then Russia belched.

"Breakfast time, da?" She tilted her head.

"Oh, yeah I guess so, America don't be an idiot while we're gone." 

"Wha-" All images of cute girly things vanished, when England still addressed me the same way... not to mention Russia didn't even say excuse me.

I ended up following the girls, and I regret that now.

"Maybe America could take us shopping!" Russia exclaimed, getting England to join in.

"Splendid idea... Where is that wanker when you need 'im?" 

Russia turned and found me,"Alright. You are taking us to shop. You have no choice." A creepy vibe omitted from the surprisingly vicious woman.

I quivered,"Alright ladies." I had only my credit card and my food budget... This will be fun.

\---

We were driving, but I didn't want to admit I was lost.

"We're lost." England sighed.

"Ask for directions." Russia suggested.

"That's a great plan! America, go and ask at the Walgreens over there."

"Yes master!" I lazily mocked. I asked for directions.We finally arrived at the mall.

"That one!" Russia pointed to... Wait... No! Not... Victoria Secret! It was expensive, and bras were every where! 

"Good choice dear." England laughed, knowing how much I would cringe.

We walked into the dimly lit store, where I was blinded by the sparkly floors. I rubbed my eyes, then I saw a bunch of bras. And pictures of bra models.

I know most of you are thinking,'but Al! You were dreaming of fem!England, so this is great for you!' Yeah, not so much... I just think models are creepy, letting every one see them so... exposed. Not that they aren't pretty, but it's just seeing someone in such little clothes is an intimate thing, y'know?

I snapped out of dream mode, to see the girls picking out bras.

"Which one am I?" Russia asked.

"Hmmm... We need to measure. Alfred! Ask for a tape measure." England yelled.

"How do you know so much about women?" I asked England.

"This isn't my first time using the potion... And believe it or not, but I used to be quite the ladies man." England blushed.

I shrugged, then explored the sparkly shop for an employee.

I found one,"Hello! Miss! May I please have a tape measure?" I asked her politely.

"Oh, here!" She handed one to me,"So, are you here with your girlfriend picking out something special?" 

I immediately flushed,"N-no! I'm just helping out some friends."

"Too bad, they're missing out on a handsome one like you." 

"I know." I sighed, finally returning to the girls,"Here." I handed the measure to England.

"Alright, lemme measure." England whispered into her ear. She held the tape measure around her chest, then I turned away... I couldn't look, since it's the polite thing to do.

"These will fit nicely!" England then handed Russia a few bras,"This will be all, Al." 

"Okay!" It didn't seem expensive... I was wrong. They are very pricey.

"Okay! Time for clothes!" Russia cheered. Seven clothing stores and one empty wallet later the girls were done shopping.

"What about that?" Russia pointed to a crepe store.

"Oh! That would be splendid! Americ- Alfred, would you mind?"

"Why not? It's not like I'm in debut." I said sarcastically.

"Okay! Then lets go!" Russia smiled, dragging all three of us in the restaurant. 

"I want... Strawberry!" 

"Chocolate banana would be splendid for me, love."

I walked up to the register,"Hello, I'd like to order a chocolate banana, and a strawberry."

"Alrighty Mister!" The young cashier smiled. She pulled out the two pastries, wrapped them, and put them in small bags,"All set?"

"That'll do! Thank you!" I beamed, and took the pastries, after paying with the last of his cash. "Here you go, girls."

"Thanks." England responded

"Cпасибо (thank you: Russian: Google translate) , Alfred!"

"Alright, just eat." 

"Why didn't you get one?" Russia asked.

"Because I don't like 'em." I lied, I just didn't have the money.

"I didn't know you were a food snob, maybe one little bite of mine will change your mind." 

"N-no! He would like mine way better!" Russia pouted, shoving a fork towards my face. 

The two fought over who would eat what, until a fork flew into the wall by me. 

"You will not tarnish my big brother- sister's fork with your germs, you greedy pig!" A silver blond yelled, whipping more forks towards me.

"Pig? Greedy?" I questioned. 

"Just run!" Russia yelled.

"No! Come back big sister! I love you even if you have huge bosoms! In fact now there is more of you to love~!" Belarus yelled. In public. While chasing a man, and two women carrying large Victoria Secret bags, a bag from the crepe store, and a Hot Topic one as well. 

The girls were ahead, but I crashed into a man with auburn hair, tan skin and dark shades. Oh no. Not him. I 'accidentally' dropped the rest creeps on him, as I practically plowed him over, running from Belarus.

Allen took the remaining bag of his head and grinned,"Alfred, by the looks of it, you've made a huge mess." And wiped off the remaining cream, and laughed.

"Thank god we made it out." Russia panted. 

"You're telling me? I was expecting to get kidnapped by,'Senpai! Notice Me!' Allen..."

"Better than murderous Natalia." England said, still around passerby shoppers.

"Big SISTER~!" Belarus creepily yelled, running closer.

"Shoot! RUN!" I yelled. We passed up a Japanese shop that was around the corner, and I was dragged in. "Kiku?"

"Hai, sorry Alfred-Kun. I saw you and your friends were in a predicament." Japan answered.

"Thanks! How do we escape then?"

"Well, I would let you use this as a disguise." Japan said as he pulled out a blue maid outfit.

"Is there anything manlier?" I said, taking off my t-shirt and pants, still having my underwear on.

"I do have neko paws, tail, collar, and ears if you want those along with the maid outfit."

"Nevermind, but thanks!" I smiled,"I'll give it back to you at the hotel, dude." 

"Hai. Bye." 

"Gotta dash!" I finished tugging up the last sock, and bolted with the giggling girls,"Shut up!" 

"Cute!" Russia chirped in a heavy accent.

Belarus was able to see the outfit and stopped in her tracks,"What?"

But, so did someone else,"Senpai~! Are you dressing up just for me~?"

I let out a heavy sigh,"No, it was a distraction."

"It sure is distracting all of us." England said, practically drooling. 

"I certainly love the view." Allen said, lifting up the ruffle bottom.

"S-stop! Lets just go already, girls! Enough messing around." I smacked the rough tan hand, and pushed the dress back down.

"Fine." Russia pouted, walking out the revolving door.

\---

"Never speak of this." I hissed.

The rest of the car ride was giggling, and girly pop songs (which I love anyways).

\--

I was walking back to my roll, still in the maid's outfit, as I saw Germany.

"It's good to discover yourself." He said, in a polite way.

I started to stutter at him, but gave up since words weren't coming out.


	11. Summer Ends, and Fall Leaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America sings. America is self-loathing. He is a butt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you are all almost caught up, one more to go!

I sighed as I watched another golden leaf fall from the trees above. Still being the goofball I am, I stepped on it and heard a crunch as the leaf crumbled. The wind hugged me close, even though it was only early autumn in Washington, D. C. The chilly air swirled the leaves, leading them through the busy streets. My trusty fighter-pilot jacket and my gold and red scarf were enough to keep me warm. 

My thoughts drifted back to my best friends, England and Russia. A small laugh slipped through my lips and remembered the fun summer we had...

England was and is really great. He may be a super grouch, like Oscar the Grouch, but I still love him like a brother.

And Russia was awesome too! He was fun person to be around, minus his threatening aurora. 

"We all did some really cool stuff this summer..." I smiled. I remember when we all chilled out at the pool, or when we watched movies, and that time we went to the mall... I guess really love them.

"Who do I choose? Who do I pick~? I'll love them both through thin or thick... Russia's a sweet heart, but he really loves his booze~! And England is quite wonderful, but he might just have to lose~...! Who do I pick? Who do I~ choose? I'm not prepared to use excuse after excuse~! I'm not even sure if I'm gay~! But, who do I even choose? Who will I be happy to pick...?" I sang out. I feel like Disney princess... and ridiculous.

I turned back, my cheeks rosy from the air and embarrassment. Some people laughed, and some walked faster. I feel like an absolute loser... 

"Who am I kidding, I am a loser... not a hero! Why would anyone love me? Even if they have feelings, mine are unrequited! I'm just the obnoxious younger brother, or the silent enemy... I can't take it! Even if I pick! Even if I choose! Who will really love me? They're the player one, and I'm just two; they're the winner, I'm the fool... I act like I'm cool but really, really, just a tool."

\---

I gloomily walked back home, where I sat and ate chocolate ice cream while half watching "Attack on Titan" wrapped in an American flag blanket.

\---

October 20th seemed to breeze right by. There were few days before Halloween, and I barely even began to think of a costume. Another sigh passed through my now sensitive, chapped lips. 

I found myself on another pointless walk. This time I had earbuds in, to stop myself from spewing terrible lyrics and poor rhythms.

Though it didn't stop me from feeling like shit. I hummed along with the various songs blaring out of my earbuds, but it still didn't help...

I am acting like a teenage girl. I need to get my shit together. Though, I really am hopeless, huh...

I walked back home. I decided to go to bed. I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking... thinking of one question...

Russia

Or 

England?

I don't know what to do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop


	12. Ho Ho Holy Shit- It's not even Christmas!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Newest and maybe last chapter!! I might have a thanksgiving/ Christmas special and a Valentine's special so stay tuned~!

Alfred lifted up his eyebrows and opened his mouth slightly. He smeared the red lipstick, and smiled. "Hot damn, I am one sexy lady~!" He laughed and winked to himself. He adjusted the rust green crown on his head, and adjusted his dress. Sexy Statue of Liberty costume payed off, but standing next to Maple Leaf Matthew is going to be hard.

Meanwhile, Arthur adorned a headband halo and gag wings. He was going as the Brittanica Angel, toga and all. He also helped Ivan into his Pikachu costume... He had no idea why Pikachu, but Ivan wanted that costume so they got it.

The four met up, pillowcases and all, to start trick or treating. 

"Alright, dudes! Let's go! I'm the leader, of course~!" Alfred cheered, and started at the first house. 

"Trick of Treat~!" All four sang in unison.

"Happy Halloween!" The old lady giving out candy smiled.

"Thank you, love. Hope you have a wonderful Halloween." Arthur replied. 

They trick or treated for a while, filling up their pillow cases at a moderate speed. Ivan seemed to like all of the decorations, while Alfred hid behind him. 

The spookiest thing that Halloween was the cold. Snow flakes made their debut, and started to dust the lawns. 

The weather began to change from cold to 'ohmyfuckitscold'. The remaining hair on Alfred's legs remained standing, and goosebumps on all of their arms. 

"Fuck this, let's go to the shitty Halloween Party. It's not like we have anything better to do. Besides, I'm freezing my ass off and can't feel a thing." Alfred complained, teeth chattering and arms crossed.

"Alright, love..." England sighed, pulling the two along. 

"It's not that cold!" Matthew laughed, and caught up to the three.

"Not cold my ass, Mattie. Right now it feels like we're in Arendelle! Fuck." Alfred swore.

"It's not as cold as Russia, da?"

"Yeah, I'd die in your country, Ivan." Alfred sighed.

"Stop complaining, Alfred." Arthur snapped.

After walking back to the car, Alfred took the keys,"Let's party, bitches~! Buckle up. I don't want a ticket."

That's the last thing Alfred could remember, other than from pictures from Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. From what he could price together, Alfred knew they showed up, took shots with Denmark, making out with both Arthur and Ivan, and after that's a mystery.

Arthur kept getting all blush-y around me and Ivan, and I can only assume... That something happened.

Also, it didn't feel like there was fighting, or any reason to pick at this point. Alfred knew they loved him, and the feeling was mutual. It's like having a family, like having a normal life.

Normal. Definitely not the right word. Alfred yawned and rubbed his eyes. His bottom felt a bit sore, but he didn't wonder why. He saw a sleeping cuddling ball of boyfriends next to him. Alfred smiled, and crept back into bed and into the pile. It was too cold to go out today, after all, there was snow in the air and ice on the ground. Right here is where he belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay you reached the end!   
> Continue?  
> Yes_ No_  
> Comment!!


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